Resume a Friendship With a Long Lost Friend

You used to be friends, great friends. You never meant to lose touch with him or her. But life got in the way, and weeks turned into months, or maybe years. How can you go back, find your friend, and re-establish contact, resume your friendship, or is it even possible? It is possible, but sometimes it requires a little time and patience.source:wikihow.com



Find your friend. First you have to locate your friend if you've lost touch. Perhaps s/he has moved back home after graduating from college, and is in a different state. Think hard about your friend, and use every detail you can remember to track him or her down. The internet is a wonderful resource - if you can remember a middle name or initial, that's a good start. If you can remember what state s/he was from, start there - it may cost a few dollars.

Make contact. It's the hardest part. Once you have contact information, and you're reasonably sure it's the right person, reach out. This is easier if you have a mailing address, e-mail account, or a phone number. Depending on the way you left things, you may want to choose based on the tone of your last parting.

Drifted Away: If you just drifted apart, try the most direct way to reach out. Use the phone number or email. Be sure you send any email with a Delivery Confirmation - one that sends you a notice when your email is received. If you never get a confirmation, there's a good chance the email address is no good, and you'll have to go to Plan B - the phone.

Promised To Write: Use email. Send a brief note reminding your friend of who you are and asking if you've reached the right person. Try something like: "I was on a friend-finding website and saw your name. I want to make sure I got the right person - we were on the swim team together, is that you? If it is, I just want you to know seeing your name made me instantly feel so guilty and rotten that we lost touch - email me back so I know it's you! I'd love to catch up when you have a chance!" Keep it light and fun, and remember - don't beat yourself up too much: your friend didn't stay in touch with you either! Doesn't mean s/he doesn't care - just the same as you.

Parted Badly: You had a falling out and parted on bad terms, but you now wish you could patch things up. This one's a little trickier, but if you are willing to absolve your friend of any blame for what happened, fall on your sword and accept any lingering blame on yourself, and leave the past behind, your chances of success are good. Write a snail-mail letter first, to let any awkwardness be private: "Dear Siobhan: I can't tell you how many times I've thought of you over the years. I've gone over our last argument a million times in my mind, and I am so sorry for everything that went wrong. I've never been able to leave you behind, even though we parted so badly, and I've regretted it every single time I've thought about it. You meant so much to me, and were such an important, wonderful friend, I wonder if there isn't some way to let bygones be bygones? I miss you, I love you, and I want you back - please call me or email me at 555-555-5555 / yobud@yahoo.com. I hope you can forgive and forget - I have, and all I care about is seeing you again. Love, XYZ."

Call him or her. Give your letter or email at least a week after delivery to marinate, especially if your parting was not good. If you've heard nothing by 10 days later, try phoning. In the case of a bad last goodbye, you probably will do best to call at a time your friend is not going to be home. You can then leave a jovial, brief voice message, which will hopefully convince your friend that you are serious about making contact again, and prompt him or her to call you. Suggestion: "Hey, this is Harriet Scott, and I'm looking for Siobhan. Vahn - it's me, Harry! I hope I got the right number - if not, please have someone call me at 555-555-5555. If I don't hear back that this is a wrong number, I'll probably just keep on bugging someone, so please do let me know if I have NOT reached Siobhan. But if I have... Siobhan, I miss you, please call me! Kay, bye. 555-555-5555! Call!" It's kind of funny, it identifies you, and the party you're trying to reach, leaves your number at the beginning, and at the end. This is important - if they miss it both times, they can play your message back, knowing your number is right at the front and they won't have to re-listen to your entire rambling. Of course, if you later get a message saying that you have not reached the right party, you have to start from scratch to find your friend again.

Allow time for your friend to believe in your friendship again. After a long absence, it is hard for people to reattach because they've felt the pain of loss before. Sometimes, it takes a lot of effort on your part, and you may feel like you are the one working to restore your relationship all alone. That is the peril you face. Your friend may have a hard time trusting in your friendship - what if s/he resumes the relationship, only to see you check out again? Allow your friend time to believe in your steadfast love for him or her.

Connect often in the early part of the re-connect. Once you've made that first contact, hopefully things will get easier. Some friendships resume easily, as if there was never a break. Some take work, and you may sense that your friend is guarded when you speak, not telling you everything. That's okay. Especially if this is the case (a guarded friend), connect often. Call once a week - find out what's a good time when he or she can chat for a little while. If s/he has 10 minutes, chat for 10 minutes. If s/he has an hour, chat for an hour. Make time to re-establish the confidence you once had in each other.

Make contact regularly. Get into a rhythm you can both trust as the weeks and months go on. Email just to say you were thinking of him or her, with some little joke or something. Call every month, at least. Get together if you live nearby. Friend him or her on your favorite social networking site (MySpace, Facebook, etc.), and post recent pictures. Sharing your lives regularly will keep your friendship vital once you've found one another again.

Never hesitate to bring up and face problems you once had - but do not argue about those problems.

Never hesitate to let problems from the past remain in the past. Once you've acknowledged them and talked about them a little, let them go.

Go to a movie, go to coffee, go to an appointment together - whatever time your friend can make to spend with you, do it, no matter how awkward you may feel about it at first.

Act like everything is normal, fine, and wonderful. Soon, just going through the motions of feeling relaxed with your friend will help you really and truly feel relaxed and easy together again. It will take some time depending on the case.

Be Fearless

Everyone wants to live without fear, but the task is more psychologically challenging than physically. Fears can be overcome through interaction with them in a safe environment. Fear is what you make of it, it is learned, like speaking, and can be unlearned.
courtesy:ehow.com


Steps to follow:

> Acknowledge your fear and realize that fears are natural and different for each person

> Talk with friends and loved ones about your fear and walk through the pros and cons of living with this fear.

> Acknowledge that it may take a while to overcome your fears. Mental health is more intricate, and sometimes people take months, if not years, or a lifetime to realize the invalidity of such a fear.

> Obtain comfort with the fear. The best way to overcome it is to confront the fear in a safe controlled environment being overseen by trained professionals and loved ones.

> Recognize fears are psychologically based upon our life's history. We need rewrite our history and confront the fear head on to become fearless.

> Acknowledge life is too short to live in fear, recognize, act, and live your life. Fears are internal, life is external, and it stops for no one.

> Most Important, keep a connection with the master!

Instantly Change Your Mood

Do you ever just wake up in the morning in a BAD mood?

Or maybe you stub your toe, spill your coffee, or burn your toast. Doesn't it seem that once one thing goes wrong, the whole day goes down hill?



The truth is that the reason the rest of the day goes wrong, is because of your bad mood. In other words, when you become angry about something that happens, you spend time focusing on it. And where attention goes, energy flows. This energy attracts other bad experiences. That's why it's so important to change your mood, ASAP!

Ways to Lift Your Mood:

> Breathe: nice and deep, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Take 10 long, deep breaths to get the oxygen flowing though your body and begin to relax your muscles. Sit cross-legged on the floor or lye down if possible. Continue breathing deeply.

> Listen to music: Now, I don't mean the sappy music that always makes you cry. I mean something upbeat and happy. Music that makes your toes tap.

> Laugh: Laughter really is the BEST medicine because the easiest way to turn that frown upside down is by laughing. Watch a sitcom, rent a movie. Just remember to laugh out loud.

> Find a happy thought: Just like Robin Williams (as the adult Peter Pan in the movie "Hook") needed to find his happy thought in order to fly, so do you. You can begin to rise above this bad mood if you will shift your focus from what's bothering you, to things and people that make you happy. Find a happy place, real or imagined, and picture it vividly in your mind -- the colors, the scents, everything about it. Focus on that for a minute or two while you continue to breathe deep.

> Have an attitude of gratitude: Begin with something simple and obvious, like "Thankfully, I don't have to live with my boss, I can leave him at the office and feel sorry for his wife!" or "Thank God I am in this room with the door locked for at least 5 minutes of peace!" Whatever works for you. The funnier you can make it, the faster it will lift your mood. Even things like, "It could be worse, I could be in jail in a foreign country," or "I could be living on the street, or sick and in the hospital with some terminal illness. This is really not that bad."

> Spend time with your pet: Is there anyone in your life that gives you more unconditional love than your pet? If you have a pet, you know the healing effect an animal can have on you.

> Call a friend: Now, you need to be careful with this one. You should have a good-time friend, someone that's fun and makes you feel good. This is the friend to call. You aren't calling to complain, you're calling to hear all of the wonderful and fun stories she has to share. Soon, you'll be looking up.

Remember, things could ALWAYS be worse. You could be uglier, shorter, or heavier than you are now, I am certain.

Start listing all of the good things you have to be thankful for, like being able to see and appreciate beauty, hear music and laughter, smell roses, taste good food, walk, run, dance, drive a car, talk to friends, look up good articles on the internet, etc., etc. Keep breathing deep and choosing to think of the positive instead of the negative.

In just moments, even though your circumstances may not change, your mood will. You will have succeeded in changing your thoughts, relaxing, and taking control of your mood. You will no longer allow that particular person or situation to ruin your day. You will have taken your power back, and with it, your good mood!

The Health Benefits of Laughter

Research has shown that the health benefits of laughter are far-ranging. While more studies need to be done, studies so far have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, bring greater happiness, and even increase immunity. Positive psychology names the propensity for laughter and sense of humor as one of the 24 main signature strengths one can possess, and laughter yoga clubs are springing up across the country. Read on for more findings about the health benefits of laughter, and see how to incorporate more humor and fun into your life.courtesy:By Elizabeth Scott, M.S



Stress Management Benefits of Laughter:

Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.

Physical Release: Have you ever felt like you "have to laugh or I'll cry"? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.

Internal Workout: A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.

Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions in a more beneficial way than other mere distractions.
Perspective: Studies show that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we view something as a 'threat' or a 'challenge'. Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as 'challenges', thereby making them less threatening and more positive. (For more on changing your perspective, see this article on cognitive reframing.)

Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Just as with smiling and kindness, most people find that laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

How To Use Laughter:

Laughter is one of my all-time favorite stress management strategies because it's free, convenient, and beneficial in so many ways. You can get more laughter in your life with the following strategies:

T.V. and Movies: There's no shortage of laughter opportunities from the entertainment, both at the theater and in the aisles of the video stores, as well as at home with T.V. comedies. While wasting your time watching something marginally funny may actually frustrate you, watching truly hilarious movies and shows is an easy way to get laughter into your life whenever you need it.

Laugh With Friends: Going to a movie or comedy club with friends is a great way to get more laughter in your life. The contagious effects of laughter may mean you'll laugh more than you otherwise would have during the show, plus you'll have jokes to reference at later times. Having friends over for a party or game night is also a great setup for laughter and other good feelings. (See this article on laughing more for additional tips on getting more fun and laughter into your life.)

Find Humor In Your Life: Instead of complaining about life's frustrations, try to laugh about them. If something is so frustrating or depressing it's ridiculous, realize that you could 'look back on it and laugh.' Think of how it will sound as a story you could tell to your friends, and then see if you can laugh about it now. With this attitude, you may also find yourself being more lighthearted and silly, giving yourself and those around you more to laugh about. Approach life in a more mirthful way and you'll find you're less stressed about negative events, and you'll achieve the health benefits of laughter. (See this article on maintaining a sense of humor.)

"Fake It Until You Make It": Just as studies show the positive effects of smiling occur whether the smile is fake or real, faked laughter also provides the benefits mentioned above. The body can't distinguish between 'fake' laughter that you just start doing on purpose, and 'real' laughter that comes from true humor--the physical benefits are exactly the same, and the former usually leads to the latter anyway. So smile more, and fake laughter; you'll still achieve positive effects, and the fake merriment may lead to real smiles and laughter.

More on Having Fun: See these additional suggestions on laughing more and having fun in your life.

Simple ways to live a life you love

The quickest way to living a life you love is through learning to love the life you live.



You’re waiting for something to change in your life before you can be happy. You might think if only you had a different partner (or one at all), a better job, or kids that did their homework then surely you’d be happy. Surely then you’d wake each morning with the glow of one living a life worth loving. Enough! Here are 5 ways to get started:

* Be present: You must be aware of your current existence and that you have control over your perspective. Whether you’re willing away early morning grouchiness or seeing a messy house as a chance to teach teamwork, your choice of perspective will make all the difference between just living and loving.

* Practice gratefulness: Every day, no excuses. Pretend to be grateful if you must. It’s one of those things that catches up to you quickly as life reciprocates your emotional generosity. Seeing the good in your life will allow you to keep your heart fed while you work to change the more unsavory parts. Try it. Live it. You’ll love it.

* Pursue balance: As a person given to extremes this has always been a tough one for me. I’ll go from taking great care of myself and communicating well to abandonment and silence as I let work consume me. The pursuit of balance requires constant adjustment as your life shifts but every time I really try for the middle I end up happier about my life. And that’s truly the point.

* Nurture friendships: You know the people who for some reason or other welcome you into their lives? Treasure them. Make time to spend with them. It is those relationships that you’ll look back on with satisfaction when you get old and begin to wonder what your life was worth. Many of us spend far too much time thinking about how some material possession will improve our lives. An iMac would be nice. A good friend is worth just about everything though!

* Embrace simplicity: You don’t need to have all your gold-plated ducks in a row in order to love the life you’re living. You don’t need lots of stuff and relationships so driven by drama that you often wish just to be left alone in silence. Instead you might try for a simpler approach and enjoy things because they are useful and not because they are expensive. You might join a friend just to talk and not worry about all the expensive trappings we so often heap on get-together’s. Try for simplicity and if complexity sneaks up on you, so be it. In learning to love the basics you’ll find a wondrous appreciation for the nicer things that come along.