Survive Overthinking

When faced with stressful periods in their life people react in many different ways. One common way is over thinking or over analysing a situation which is then aggravated by the mental exhaustion that follows. wikihow.com



Stop reading this article! An unusual opening line to an article but if you are reading this then you are already probably on the road to overthinking.

Write everything down. It doesn't have to be structured, just get it all down on paper. An unpleasant image but you need to mentally 'vomit'. Putting pen to paper is the equivalent of putting your fingers down your throat. Once you have exhausted yourself writing, you will find that the pattern of continuously re-visiting arguments and counter arguments will abate a little. You may well even get to sleep tonight.

Do not believe you have gone mad. You are not alone. Other people may look composed and calm on the outside but there is a very good chance that behind closed doors these people are subjecting themselves to a rather heated internal dialogue as well. It's natural, the trick is to try and keep it spiralling out of proportion.

Do something that requires you to concentrate. Not driving, not walking, not running it is far too easy to go onto autopilot and start re-visiting arguments and counter arguments. Playing an instrument, learn to speak German mein lieblings , competitive team sports, anything that requires you to have to actively engage your brain.

Think Black. If you are lying in bed and your brain is humming like a powerline, try to imagine you are in a vacuum, you are powering off your brain like a computer... or if that doesn't work, try to think of only the colour black!

Talk Shows not Music. If it's heartbreak that's causing you to overthink then listening to music can often be the worst thing to do. Go for talk shows, something that engages your mind rather than something that causes you to lament. If you are currently listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart or Nothing Compares to You, turn it off NOW.

Avoid alcohol. Just don't do it. It is a depressant and no matter what you think at the time, the grand conclusions you will have come to in your head will be shaky at best.

Cliche Time. Yes, it's a dreadful cliche but time is the greatest healer. Whether it be a tongue lashing from the boss at work or the trials and tribulations of being in love, the situation will become less raw over time. Over analysis will not solve anything, it will only slow down time rather than speed it up.

Get the Balance Right with your friends. It is important to talk to someone about the situation you are facing but your friends can be too sympathetic and it will cause you to re-visit a situation multiple times. This can lead you into a bout of wallowing in self pity. Think about which of your friend's 'shoots from the hip' their advice is valuable and might kick you out of the martyrdom rut!

Laugh at Yourself. There is a very good chance that you are over egging the pudding! Your boss is probably not the sadistic ogre that you have painted them as, the row that you have just had with your partner is probably not the raging battle between 'Heaven and Hell' that you have created in your mind. Look at your problems through an independent observer's eyes and decide whether the end of the world is really nigh.

Good Luck to You all. Over analysis and over thinking really can be debilitating, I wish you all the best and hope you have found this article useful.

Be Assertive Without Being Arrogant

Assertiveness is a very important means for communicating your needs in a way that is fair to both yourself and to others. Unfortunately, for some insecure people, assertive people are sometimes threatening and it is easier to label them as arrogant, selfish, or unhelpful when they receive the answer "no" or when boundaries are made clear by the assertive person. In particular, those with manipulation, neediness, and trust problems can see assertive responses as undermining their own agendas and will seek to respond with negative critiques of an assertive person's behavior. This is where it can get a little tricky for the newly assertive convert but it's no reason to suddenly start worrying that you are arrogant!courtesy:wikihow.com



Instructions

Check that you are using assertive communication appropriately. If you are new to assertiveness, or you're not feeling your usual self because of illness or stress, etc., you might be resorting to techniques that are more aggressive, passive aggressive, or making assumptions where there are none to be made, rather than being assertive. A quick check you can do is to think back through your comments and stance with the person in question and write down what you said. Read it back: Does it sound to you as if you were being assertive, or otherwise? Be honest - it's about you!

Check the context. Sometimes factors come into the equation that shouldn't. Race, gender, married status, age, disabilities, illness, and so on can sometimes cause a person to assume that you have an "attitude", rather than an assertive style of communication. If you suspect that this is the situation, continue with your assertive communication and consider whether it is worth raising your concern that your status might be causing negative responses from the person accusing you of being arrogant, or whether this might even be something actionable in your workplace, school, etc. environment.

Be an active listener. Letting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Assertiveness is about give and take; you take a little of their time to clarify your feelings and you give a lot of your time to hear about theirs. Remember that a good listener is also a flatterer and it's hard to find arrogance in that!

Be humble and modest. Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout "Me, me, me, look what I did!" from the rooftops. Assertive people are remembered because they stand firm, their needs and interests are clear to others, and because they are reliable; they also frequently become a form of role model for others seeking to assert themselves effectively. Take this role to heart but don't boast, big note yourself or become pushy, no matter how clever, popular, or successful you might be.

Remember that assertiveness techniques take time to learn and nobody gets it right all the time. Apologizing is a good response to a failure to communicate assertively though and there is always space to reopen that door to better communications.

Don't take negative comebacks to heart. When you are faced with one of life's more challenging personalities, the best thing to do is to not take it personally. Sometimes it is your self-assurance that is a cause of irritation for less secure people and their response is to try and weevil their way in through criticism. This is never a reason to fall back into old patterns of unhealthy communication styles. Simply reassert whatever your point is and choose to leave it there. It is something they can work on with the full enlightenment on where you stand.

Seek the middle way. Sometimes if you're placed in a position of having to choose between differing viewpoints in a group, there might be accusations of arrogance against one division by the other. Always consider the possibility of being able to acknowledge both sides of the argument and finding the middle way to draw the concerns together. You don't necessarily have to solve the situation but you can be a powerful facilitator to the group finding an answer to its division through your assertive communications. In such situations, inform everyone that the situation is not one for blame, not one for recriminations, and not one for finding fault. Instead, help people to see that there is a chance for compromise by showing them where each has made assumptions about the other or the facts of the situation, while still upholding your own belief or opinion. And suggest that they have another look at things to reach a compromise.

Stop Worrying and Start Living

Everyone worries to various extents. It could be about something little, like what you think you got on a test, or something big, like getting a major surgery.

Do you worry so much that you worry about worrying too much? In the end, if you just worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, when will you have the time to live today? These simple steps could make you relax.



Live in the moment, most of the time. Worrying is something we do when we think about bad things that might happen in the future. So the less you think about the future, the less you'll worry. Immediately stop the thought as soon as you recognise that you are worrying. The more you worry, the more worried you'll feel. Take out time for yourself. Take a shower and fix yourself up for the next day of school or work. You'll feel better about youself and you'll stop worrying. Still, it's impractical to not think about the future at all, if you have any sort of responsibilities. The next few steps will address that.

Tackle your worries head-on, and swiftly. You can still anticipate problems and plan for them without necessarily worrying. The key is that when the worry enters your head, you immediately address or resolve it somehow, and then let it go. See How to Be Proactive. Let's say you worry a lot about a house fire. Sit down as soon as you can and make a plan to implement all the steps in How to Prevent a House Fire, maybe one or two steps a week.

      If a worry enters your head at an inconvenient time, designate another time to address it. If you start thinking about house fires during your child's school play, for example, you might think to yourself "I'll go home and make a plan at 10p.m. when the kids are in bed. There's no use in thinking about it until then."Another approach is to make a list of all the fears that worry you. Go through them, one by one, and make plans. Then...

Move on. Once you develop a reasonable plan, and commit to following it, there's no need to dwell on the worry anymore. Let it go. The danger in worrying is when a scenario that you dread lingers in your head. Sure, you could always do more, like anticipating every possible outcome and taking every possible step to prevent each unwanted outcome from happening, but you'll spend your life preventing bad things from happening rather than enjoying the good things that have already happened. And you won't even be able to stop all bad things from happening, anyway!

      Maybe you need to learn to be comfortable with risk. If you believe you've done enough to decrease the chances of something happening by, say, 85%, accept that as good enough. There are simply no guarantees in life.

Don't recycle the past. Many of the worries we have about the future are fears that the past will repeat itself. Whether it was heartbreak, or an injury, or a natural disaster, it haunts us and we want to do everything in our power from preventing it from happening again.

Stop trying to save the world. If you feel like it's your job or responsibility to stop bad things from happening (perhaps to your family, your business, or at all) you're placing too much pressure on yourself. There is such a thing as a hero complex, and you might have it. The thing is, you're only human, and to set yourself an unattainable standard will only cause pain and disappointment.