Be Thankful

People with a strong sense of gratitude, love and appreciation don't necessarily have more than others; they aren't "luckier". They simply recognize and see more beauty in their lives. A 2003 study suggests that people who count their blessings are generally happier and healthier than people who don't. If you ever feel as if anything in your life isn't "enough", try practicing an attitude of thankfulness. You might realize how good you have it after all. courtesy:wikihow.com

Relax. It's hard to cultivate a sense of gratitude when you're angry, frustrated, or anxious. If these are issues that you struggle with, it's important to resolve them, as they're formidable barriers to thankfulness.

Live in the Moment. If you're too busy dwelling on the past or thinking about the future, you won't be able to fully notice how fantastic things are right now. Plus, thinking about the past and future opens the door to comparison, which is the only way you can perceive something as not good enough. What you have now is all that exists, and comparing that to something that doesn't exist anymore (or yet) is an easy way to foster dissatisfaction and torture yourself. Like the old saying goes "Past is History, Future is a Mystery and Today is Gift and hence it is called the Present". Enjoy today, this moment and don't postpone your enjoyment.

Start with your senses. The most basic pleasures in life are usually accessible to us all the time, but they slip out of our consciousness because we get so used to them. Learn to notice the little things, and deliberately appreciate them.

Cherish any kind of lightheartedness in your life. Things like laughter, affection, and playfulness are fleeting. Once a relationship has degraded so that those things don't spontaneously occur anymore, it's very hard to get them back. You might know that from experience. So treat those moments with care (especially with kids, who are at the peak of lightheartedness). Don't be the person who takes life too seriously, who doesn't have time to have fun, or who has no sense of humor.

Take a vacation. There's some truth to the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Ideally, you shouldn't have to separate yourself from something (or someone) in order to appreciate it (that can lead to a vicious cycle). But it can be a good way to trigger your sense of gratitude just once in a while.

Keep a gratitude journal. Challenge yourself to write down five new things every day that you're grateful for. It'll be easy in the beginning, but soon you'll discover that you have to increase your awareness to keep on.

Survive Overthinking

When faced with stressful periods in their life people react in many different ways. One common way is over thinking or over analysing a situation which is then aggravated by the mental exhaustion that follows. wikihow.com



Stop reading this article! An unusual opening line to an article but if you are reading this then you are already probably on the road to overthinking.

Write everything down. It doesn't have to be structured, just get it all down on paper. An unpleasant image but you need to mentally 'vomit'. Putting pen to paper is the equivalent of putting your fingers down your throat. Once you have exhausted yourself writing, you will find that the pattern of continuously re-visiting arguments and counter arguments will abate a little. You may well even get to sleep tonight.

Do not believe you have gone mad. You are not alone. Other people may look composed and calm on the outside but there is a very good chance that behind closed doors these people are subjecting themselves to a rather heated internal dialogue as well. It's natural, the trick is to try and keep it spiralling out of proportion.

Do something that requires you to concentrate. Not driving, not walking, not running it is far too easy to go onto autopilot and start re-visiting arguments and counter arguments. Playing an instrument, learn to speak German mein lieblings , competitive team sports, anything that requires you to have to actively engage your brain.

Think Black. If you are lying in bed and your brain is humming like a powerline, try to imagine you are in a vacuum, you are powering off your brain like a computer... or if that doesn't work, try to think of only the colour black!

Talk Shows not Music. If it's heartbreak that's causing you to overthink then listening to music can often be the worst thing to do. Go for talk shows, something that engages your mind rather than something that causes you to lament. If you are currently listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart or Nothing Compares to You, turn it off NOW.

Avoid alcohol. Just don't do it. It is a depressant and no matter what you think at the time, the grand conclusions you will have come to in your head will be shaky at best.

Cliche Time. Yes, it's a dreadful cliche but time is the greatest healer. Whether it be a tongue lashing from the boss at work or the trials and tribulations of being in love, the situation will become less raw over time. Over analysis will not solve anything, it will only slow down time rather than speed it up.

Get the Balance Right with your friends. It is important to talk to someone about the situation you are facing but your friends can be too sympathetic and it will cause you to re-visit a situation multiple times. This can lead you into a bout of wallowing in self pity. Think about which of your friend's 'shoots from the hip' their advice is valuable and might kick you out of the martyrdom rut!

Laugh at Yourself. There is a very good chance that you are over egging the pudding! Your boss is probably not the sadistic ogre that you have painted them as, the row that you have just had with your partner is probably not the raging battle between 'Heaven and Hell' that you have created in your mind. Look at your problems through an independent observer's eyes and decide whether the end of the world is really nigh.

Good Luck to You all. Over analysis and over thinking really can be debilitating, I wish you all the best and hope you have found this article useful.

Be Assertive Without Being Arrogant

Assertiveness is a very important means for communicating your needs in a way that is fair to both yourself and to others. Unfortunately, for some insecure people, assertive people are sometimes threatening and it is easier to label them as arrogant, selfish, or unhelpful when they receive the answer "no" or when boundaries are made clear by the assertive person. In particular, those with manipulation, neediness, and trust problems can see assertive responses as undermining their own agendas and will seek to respond with negative critiques of an assertive person's behavior. This is where it can get a little tricky for the newly assertive convert but it's no reason to suddenly start worrying that you are arrogant!courtesy:wikihow.com



Instructions

Check that you are using assertive communication appropriately. If you are new to assertiveness, or you're not feeling your usual self because of illness or stress, etc., you might be resorting to techniques that are more aggressive, passive aggressive, or making assumptions where there are none to be made, rather than being assertive. A quick check you can do is to think back through your comments and stance with the person in question and write down what you said. Read it back: Does it sound to you as if you were being assertive, or otherwise? Be honest - it's about you!

Check the context. Sometimes factors come into the equation that shouldn't. Race, gender, married status, age, disabilities, illness, and so on can sometimes cause a person to assume that you have an "attitude", rather than an assertive style of communication. If you suspect that this is the situation, continue with your assertive communication and consider whether it is worth raising your concern that your status might be causing negative responses from the person accusing you of being arrogant, or whether this might even be something actionable in your workplace, school, etc. environment.

Be an active listener. Letting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Assertiveness is about give and take; you take a little of their time to clarify your feelings and you give a lot of your time to hear about theirs. Remember that a good listener is also a flatterer and it's hard to find arrogance in that!

Be humble and modest. Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout "Me, me, me, look what I did!" from the rooftops. Assertive people are remembered because they stand firm, their needs and interests are clear to others, and because they are reliable; they also frequently become a form of role model for others seeking to assert themselves effectively. Take this role to heart but don't boast, big note yourself or become pushy, no matter how clever, popular, or successful you might be.

Remember that assertiveness techniques take time to learn and nobody gets it right all the time. Apologizing is a good response to a failure to communicate assertively though and there is always space to reopen that door to better communications.

Don't take negative comebacks to heart. When you are faced with one of life's more challenging personalities, the best thing to do is to not take it personally. Sometimes it is your self-assurance that is a cause of irritation for less secure people and their response is to try and weevil their way in through criticism. This is never a reason to fall back into old patterns of unhealthy communication styles. Simply reassert whatever your point is and choose to leave it there. It is something they can work on with the full enlightenment on where you stand.

Seek the middle way. Sometimes if you're placed in a position of having to choose between differing viewpoints in a group, there might be accusations of arrogance against one division by the other. Always consider the possibility of being able to acknowledge both sides of the argument and finding the middle way to draw the concerns together. You don't necessarily have to solve the situation but you can be a powerful facilitator to the group finding an answer to its division through your assertive communications. In such situations, inform everyone that the situation is not one for blame, not one for recriminations, and not one for finding fault. Instead, help people to see that there is a chance for compromise by showing them where each has made assumptions about the other or the facts of the situation, while still upholding your own belief or opinion. And suggest that they have another look at things to reach a compromise.

Heal a Broken Heart

Ever had someone twist your very heart from its cavern with only a couple of words, or worse just with an interminable silence? Ever had someone move on with their life as yours was left to flounder? There is a way to laugh and love again.



Few tried and tested ways:

> Try to understand why you are upset. Understand that everything happens for a reason. What exact moment made you feel upset?

>Don't think about whose fault it was - at one time or another, everyone makes mistakes. Don't worry about it.

>Do something quiet and relaxing to help you feel better. Maybe you want to take a hot bath, or meditate, or read a book. That's fine.

>In an hour, or two, or whenever you're ready, start thinking about whether you are ready to accept the other person's feelings.

>If you are, go ahead, call them, write them a note, or whatever you need to do. Maybe you want to talk face-to-face. They may not be willing to see you, or talk to you, but you should make an effort. Even if they turn you down, you feel better that you tried, and maybe they'll recognize that you made an effort.

>Understand what causes a broken heart in the first place. When we are in a mutual loving relationship we are constantly transferring our life energy (chi/ka/qi/prana) to our beloved automatically and more so when we think of them. This is based on the Huna principle: "Energy flows where attention goes". In a balanced relationship this transference of life energy is strong and has equal amounts of incoming and outgoing life energy. This helps both members feel secure and stable in a relationship even if it might be long distance. An unbalanced relationship causes this energetic flow to fall out of sync and results in an uneven distribution of incoming and outgoing life energy. This is why when we feel insecure, needy or clingy in a relationship even when there might not be a real reason behind it. The likely cause for this is because you stopped being your ex's main attention point in life and your ex didn't allow energy to flow back to you. Your ex might have had some other priorities (new job, changes in family, moving to a new city) and this lack of incoming energy is what causes one to become needy, anxious, unsettled and insecure in a relationship. But now that you have been told that you won't be able to continue your relationship with your beloved there is a conflict in mind and heart. You are still transferring life energy to your beloved automatically by thinking of them(you do love them after all!) but this is resulting in an inner conflict as you know you should stop. Your heart chakra is wide open and your mind now knows that you won't be getting any more incoming energy back from your beloved but your energetic body is still expecting it. This is why there is a great need to focus your energy on other aspects of life to balance your outgoing energy to something that will require your complete focus.

>What we miss when drawing away from a relationship is that we can't express our love anymore to someone. Ways to continue this form of heartfelt expression (and keep our wellbeing in balance on an energetic level) is to write poetry, paint, sing, dance, and do whatever it takes to allow you to transform your pain into something productive!

>Move on. When you feel you are ready to open your heart again, find someone else to be with

>Smile! Seriously, smiling makes you feel better and if you gather a few good, close friends and have a laugh together, you'll remember how good life was without him/her and that you're okay really.

>Remember the 2-year rule. It takes 2 years to learn a new job, to get accustomed to a new town and to completely heal a broken heart. If you follow these steps without remembering this first, you will be overly optimistic and disappointed. Real results are obtainable when realistic expectations are set.

>The moment he, she or it hammers the last drop of blood from your still loving/beating heart, stop arguing with that person or the fantasy voice of that person about how they are wrong and you are right. Everytime you catch yourself arguing your point in your own mind, just say stop and focus on something completely different.

>Replace the picture of your former dearest, with a picture of yourself. But keep the picture in the same place, just put a picture of you on top of it. Then every day when you walk by the picture, say I am sorry out loud to the picture. Yes you are apologizing to yourself for having gone that far around the bend for someone who didn't know your value and worth, and who doesn't matter anymore.

>Let time heal. It has been one month now. Go to someplace where you used to go or be near your so-called one-true love and go there with a friend (not alone, this is important). Mention 1 time and 1 time only how you used to drink at this very bar or your used to fend off Mr or Mrs. Wonderful's advances in that same back store room, mention it once only and then have a drink or file some papers, or do what ever you used to do, only now with a different person, preferably a comfortable friend who can smile knowingly then move the conversation forward.

>Practice being honest to yourself every day. In fact, be honest to everyone. Living in the truth of every moment will allow you to carve your way to a better relationship the next time around.

>Read a book every night before you go to sleep. You might never have read books, but nothing moves you outside of yourself better than a book, not a movie, not a music video, read a book. It will help you heal.

>If you feel ready, start dating other people again and not be a raving lunatic after about 2 months. Be careful about how you mention your ex to people you date, others can easily tell where your heart still truly lies and if just the mention of your ex's name makes your eyes well up, then you definitely need more time to heal before seeing other people. Jumping from one relationship to the next will not make you feel better in the long run as unresolved issues will appear in your new relationship.

>Speak to people. Speak to friends. They have all been through the same and will gladly help ease your burden of dealing with a broken heart.

>Come and read my blog, it may brings smile on your face :) Enjoy life! you don't get another.

Power Nap Helps at Work

Lacking rest? Its been a long week, between the hours you spend at home with the family, to the overtime that you have been putting in at work. You are tired, and drained, you just need a little power nap to get you through the day...so go ahead. Take your break. Close your office door, or go to your car. Throw your feet up on your desk, close your eyes, and nap. Its not a crime. It actually feels great.



Instructions:

> So you get your first little break of the day...eat your lunch a little earlier than the normal time to shave off some extra "nap time". Instead of hitting the lunch rush, take 15 minutes to yourself and have the bite to eat that you have been craving all morning since you missed breakfast!

> LUNCHTIME. Typical Americans get 30 minutes to 1 hour for lunch. USE IT TO NAP! You can do this right at your desk, on a park bench, in your car, or anywhere you can find a small bit of peace. I recommend doing this mid afternoon as a "pick-me-up". Just take 25 minutes, set an alarm on your cell phone or in your office. This is your time to relax. Close your eyes and clear your mind. It's better than running off for the extra cup of coffee, or that smoke break. Take the last 5 minutes to refresh yourself. Stretch, have a quick glass of water, pop in a mint...and enjoy the rest of your day. This will increase your productivity.

> Taking a nap during the lunch hour will decrease your urge for a nap when you get home. This is when we make dinner, help the kids with home work, chit chat with the spouse about how much we hate our jobs, etc. You will feel great and more energized!

Benifits:

> Less stress.
> Increased alertness and productivity.
> Improved memory and learning.
> Good for the heart.
> Increased cognitive functioning.
> Get motivated to exercise.
> Boost your creativity.
> Make up for midnight tossing and turning.
> Protects yourself from sleepiness.
> Better health.

How long is a good nap?

>THE NANO-NAP: 10 to 20 seconds. Sleep studies haven’t yet concluded whether there are benefits to these brief intervals, like when you nod off on someone’s shoulder on the train.

>THE MICRO-NAP: two to five minutes. Shown to be surprisingly effective at shedding sleepiness.

>THE MINI-NAP: five to 20 minutes. Increases alertness, stamina, motor learning, and motor performance.

>THE ORIGINAL POWER NAP: 20 minutes. Includes the benefits of the micro and the mini, but additionally improves muscle memory and clears the brain of useless built-up information, which helps with long-term memory (remembering facts, events, and names).

>THE LAZY MAN’S NAP: 50 to 90 minutes. Includes slow-wave plus REM sleep; good for improving perceptual processing; also when the system is flooded with human growth hormone, great for repairing bones and muscles.

Contrary to popular opinion, napping isn’t for the lazy or depressed. Famous nappers have included Bill Clinton, Lance Armstrong, Leonardo da Vinci and Thomas Edison. The moral of the story: to be ultra-productive, just rest your head. You snooze, you gain. Give it a try for yourself and see if you aren’t amazed at the results!
courtesy:ehow.com,ririanproject.com

Make Your Heart and Your Mind Work Together

The same voice in your mind that told you to act, is the same voice that ridicules you later for making that choice.



Am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous?

I want to show you how I’ve learned to make my heart and mind get along.

Because unfortunately…

It’s typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind).

We end up living 1/3 of our lives in a cubicle for the “benefits.” We stay friends with people we only kind of like. We do and say things to fit in and seem cool that really go against what we feel is right in our hearts.

Because it’s caused so much heartache in my life, I’ve spend a lot of time trying to diagnose the source of this problem.

Is my heart at fault? Are my feelings just silly and frivolous? Or maybe it’s my mind that’s to blame. It seems like it’s always coming up with conflicting messages anyway.

And on it goes and we never really seem to get to it. There’s a lot of social conditioning that covers up and obscures things too. Even if you really feel like that’s the right choice, how do you know for sure? How do you know it’s not just what you think you should do?

All of this might sound a little over the top, but it’s a real problem. It ruins lives because people can’t make up their minds about whether or not the path of their heart is valid or not. They end up living a shadow of the possibility that they could. All because they couldn’t make up their mind.

There’s a simple answer to this problem. It might seem even a little too simple. But most things are. Bruce Lee once said “The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” I believe this.

First… let’s take a look at where this problem starts.

Confusing the purpose of the heart and mind

The main reason we suffer from this illness of indecision, is that we’ve mistaken the purpose of heart and mind. The heart is like a compass, it’s purpose is to guide the direction our lives should take. Our heart takes a birds eye view on our life and says “this is where you’re at and this is the direction you need to go.”

Our mind on the other hand isn’t made for making purpose driven decisions. The nature of the mind is that it conceptualizes, organizes and compares information. It does this as best it can and says “here are the facts, here’s both sides of the story.”

If we compare our mind and heart to a courtroom, our mind would be the defendant and the plaintiff (both stories) and our heart would be justice or the judge (the right direction).

The reason we’re so troubled by this conflict of head vs heart is that the mind is not only playing the prosecutor and the defense, but has take over the role of the judge as well.

The mind should never be the judge. The minds job is to compare and contrast. To sort things out and say “this is what I’ve got, do what you want with it.”

But more often than not, our mind isn’t doing that. Our mind is making our choices. What’s worse, is even when we don’t need our mind to be at work, it’s still going. Comparing and contrasting everything. Brooding, mostly.

Have you ever noticed that even when it’s completely unnecessary to think about anything, your mind is still going? Have noticed that when this is happening, your mind is getting in the way of your experience? Just a few examples of this that come to mind for me are; sex, watching a sunset, or taking a shower. My mind really doesn’t need to be thinking while doing these things. There’s no point. At all.

Taming the mind

Before we can get the mind to take a break when we don’t need to be incessantly thinking, we have to make friends with it first. If we try to tell our mind to go away, or that we don’t need it, we’ll just encourage it all the more. Instead of a retreat we’ll get a resurgence. We don’t want that.

So if we want to end the conflict of head and heart, we’ve got to figure out a way to marry this disparate pair.

Remember when I told you the answer to this problem is simple? Well, it is. But it won’t be easy at first, because we’ve been doing it all wrong for so long.

What we have to do is only use our mind to go with ourselves. The Latin root for sin means “to go against.” So we have to learn to be without sin.

We have to learn to constantly realigning our decisions to be “with ourselves.”

Have you ever wondered how to tell whether a decision is right? It seems so difficult, doesn’t it? But it becomes so easy when you think “Is this choice going with me, or against me?” You’ll find that the right choice is immediately evident.

If you can learn to practice this every time you make a choice, you’ll start to regain your personal power.

You’ll create a marriage of your heart and mind. Maybe then their child (you) won’t have permanent emotional damage from the divorce it’s been suffering from for so long.

Make the choice today. Just try it out. I think you’ll like it.
courtesy:zenhabits.net